The Christmas spirit was in full flow. I had eaten a third-world chocolate from my advent calendar. The tree, manufactured from the finest toxic plastics, was up and decorated with shiny baubles, and Jimmy Stewart was blubbing again on the TV (It’s a Wonderful Life is a strange symptom of the modern day Christmas experience; suicide with a fat angel, very Christmasy).

On a whim, I checked my e-mail. The first subject line read: ‘Santa Doesn’t Exist. Here is my evidence!’ Shocked, I opened the heinous document. The brutal words of a Christmas Scrooge were backed up by some, it has to be said, convincing empirical data.

But I believe in Santa, and more than that, I believe in Christmas, so this is why Scrooge is wrong:

Yes, but is Santa evil? Or a Robot? Can he deliver me my PS3 and Flat Screen TV?

‘There are 378 million Christian children in the world according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth, we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles. This means that Santa’s sleigh would have to move at 650 miles per second, or 3,000 times the speed of sound. A conventional ground-based reindeer can top 15 miles per hour.

You don’t really want the reindeer to melt, do you?

‘Assuming each child gets an average-sized present around 2 pounds in weight, Santa’s sleigh would also have to carry 321,300 tons, not including Santa himself. This is four times the weight of the QE2. This would require the pulling power of 214,200 reindeer.

Four QE2s and you’ll only get one crappy present

‘353,000 tones travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. The two lead reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy, per second, each, bursting into flame instantaneously and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire sleigh will be vaporised within 4.26 thousands of a second. Meanwhile, Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4.3 million pounds of force.’

Forgoing the horrific Terminator 2-style nuclear-war imagery of reindeer being blown away by sonic booms of flame, there was no doubting the strength of this Scrooge’s case. Now, excluding the time I watched a film on Boxing Day a few years ago featuring Dudley Moore as an elf, my Christmas experiences have been magical.

It would be much cooler if Santa arrived with melted animals and sonic booms, wouldn’t it?

Let’s tackle the weight problem first. Remember that big scientific underground ring in Europe that was in the news a while back? The Large Hadron Collider is its name, and its primary function is to prove the existence of the Higgs particle. Without getting too technical, the Higgs particle is the particle that carries the force of gravity. In other words, it’s what gives everything weight. It’s what makes the tides move, it’s what made an apple fall on Isaac Newton’s head, it’s what makes really obese people sweat all the time. These particles stick to us as we move through space. Imagine Santa has his own Large Hadron Collider, up in Lapland, surrounding his massive toy factory (rumour has it that Santa’s income is funded primarily by a series of never-fail pyramid scheme hedge funds). Imagine if he is one step ahead of everyone else, and has not only found the Higgs particle, but found a way to make himself and his sleigh resistant to the attraction of those particles, like a non-stick frying pan, or Simon Cowell’s shiny, shiny face. Suddenly everything is weightless. All he needs is a gas mask and some All-Bran for his reindeer and he has enough power to head skyward.

The world didn’t end, and Santa harnessed the Higgs hundreds of years before

So he’s up in the air and on his way, but how will he be able to deliver to nearly half a billion children in one night? In order for Santa to have enough time to deliver his presents, he needs to stop everyone else’s time. Did you ever wonder why as a child, Christmas Eve night seemed to last forever? This is the reason why. Santa utilises two faraway phenomena of the natural world. The first is called a singularity. It’s at the centre of a black hole, that thing you wished they would tell you about in science class instead of having to measure the number of Newtons a lead weight applied to your springy measuring thing. A black hole is an object of immense gravitational pull. As you get closer to its centre, time starts to slow down. The only problem is you can’t escape because if you have any weight at all, you will fall in and be crushed by the uber-powerful forces of gravity. But, remember, Santa has no weight anymore. He has removed the Higgs particles from his sleigh and his reindeer, so he can’t get sucked into the black hole, because there’s nothing to suck in as far as the black hole is concerned. It’s like a mother-in-law. All he needs to do is build a portable black hole into his dashboard and suddenly time is not an issue anymore, because it has effectively stopped for him, and he can take all the time he needs, which negates the issue of air resistance and speed. If you wanna think designs, perhaps something like this.

Checkmate to Santa, Scrooge. You might be asking how Santa could store the black hole in his dashboard without it sucking the entire planet and all surrounding space into its vortex, but you would be nitpicking.

I’ve experienced a Singularity - it’s at my Mother in Law’s house

Bear with me on this, it’s for the kids.

Do you ever wonder why Santa’s beard is so long? It’s not because he doesn’t shave, it’s because the only time anyone sees him is when he is in the middle of his epic voyage. The old adage that Santa works one day a year is baubles. With time slowed down, it takes him weeks, even months to get around the whole planet delivering his presents. By the time he nears the end of his journey, unshaven, his beard is near his waist and his armpit hair is ready for storage in Yucca Mountain. One Christmas Eve for us equates to one hard slog for Santa. He’s like Noel Edmonds on Deal or No Deal - you think he only does one show but he changes his shirt to fool you. Santa doesn’t change his shirt, he simply leverages the awesome powers of the laws of physics and bends the universe to his will. Those mince pies and milk are his only source of nourishment too, which is why he is so immensely fat and why when he gets home he says to his wife Mary, ‘No more f****** mince pies for another year, I’ll have a yard of ale, and where’s my damn bong?’

This is how Santa travels before his months of hell

As for coming down the chimney, that’s rubbish. He picks the locks. Santa used to be a burglar before he was sent down for three years and got himself a learn direct course in choky. On release, he reformed, moved straight into middle management and the rest is, well, Christmas.

Is this your idea of a perfect winter getaway?

Everybody tends to have different tastes.  This makes finding a great winter break location even more difficult.  Some people want to go somewhere warm during their winter break while others like to enjoy the winter activities that are available, like skiing and snowboarding.

Snowboarding. It’s sic…

Let us take a look at some of the best winter breaks around.  Whether it is fun in the sun, or a cosy stay in the snowy mountains, these locations are some of the most appealing travelling destinations for the winter.  Once everyone can agree on one location the rest of the planning will hopefully fall into place.

If you are looking to escape the cold and dreary winter, head straight to the Hawaiian Islands located in the Pacific Ocean.  Everyone can ditch their coats and put on their bathing suits and head straight to one of the magnificent beaches.  If you love to snorkel and scuba dive, you will be particularly delighted to visit this area.  The sea is crystal clear and is full of beautiful fish to check out.

Perhaps this is more your style for a winter break.

While most people think of the beach when they consider a Hawaiian vacation it should not be forgotten that there are incredible volcanic mountains that dot the six islands.  Some are actively erupting so you can see a whole new side of nature. There are many tours that you can take that will lead you through the lush foliage on the islands and there is also plenty of culture to investigate.

Travelling to Hawaii can be a bit painful.  It is located a few hours by plane off of the coast of California.  It is likely that multiple flights will be needed to arrive at this tropical destination which means the travelling expenses can be high and they could cut into the time you have available for your holiday.  For those wishing to visit Hawaii there are also a number of cruise lines that have ports in the island chain.  This is a great option for those that want to see more than one specific area in Hawaii.

Hawaii is just such a flipping long way away, that’s all!
If you are looking for a closer place to head for your winter break and you do not mind the colder weather consider visiting Dublin, Ireland.  Because it is located reasonably close to the UK, it is likely that you will be able to locate a variety of flights at a reasonable price.  These flights will also be short which means more time for your vacation.

The city of Dublin is considered to be one of the most popular in Europe to visit.  There is a rich cultural history to explore and plenty of interesting things to do while you are there.  For those that love their beer a trip to Dublin to enjoy a delicious pint of Guinness is a must.  Head to one of the popular bars in the area and have a drink while resting after sightseeing.

If you want something a little closer to home, how about Ireland?

To enjoy some spectacular views and plenty of winter fun a great place to head for your winter break is the Italian Alps.  There are numerous activities that will keep the whole family entertained.  The flight should not be too bad in terms of cost and flight time will not cut that much into your winter break.

The Italian alps are a haven for a little hideaway in the winter

While you are staying in the Italian Alps, you can plan a great ski adventure in St. Moritz.  Also a trip to Val Febbraro to see the beautiful ice falls is another great stop the whole family will enjoy.  After a long day skiing and exploring head back to your retreat and gather around a cosy fireplace to warm up.

Lake Como is nearby and offers incredible vistas that will make you never want to head home when your winter break comes to an end.  You can explore Varenna and enjoy a delicious pizza while you relax in this incredible area.

The Italian alps are a haven for a little hideaway in the winter

For a more family oriented trip consider a winter break in Florida.  You can head to Miami which enjoys a warm winter and has plenty of gorgeous beach front access.  Check out all of the unique architecture in the area that has tremendous amounts of Cuban influence.

Miami - doesn’t get any warmer than that in the winter

If you head more toward central Florida you will arrive at one of the greatest entertainment venues on Earth.  The original Disneyworld is located in Orlando, Florida and will provide your family with nothing but entertainment.  There are several theme parks clustered in this area and there will certainly be one that you family will want to experience.  You can head to the Animal Kingdom which features an impressive zoo.  There is always Epcot Centre and the Universal theme parks to choose from as well.

Once you have explored Orlando, head east toward the coast to Cape Canaveral.  This is the home of the Kennedy Space Centre where the Space Shuttle is launched.  If you are lucky you can plan the best winter break ever around one of the incredible launches that truly are a once in a life time event to witness.  Tours are given of the facility and tickets are available to visitors that wish to watch a launch.

Cape Canaveral as seen from a shuttle taking off

One last location that you should consider for the best winter break ever is Prague.  This popular city has numerous things to offer its visitors.  There is plenty of unique architecture to explore.  Dive into the city’s incredible history or get a taste of the culture that abounds here.  From the symphony concerts to the ballet or opera, there are numerous ways to stay entertained while you are on your winter break.

Prauge - remember it from Bourne?
Prague is a great destination for your winter break due to its convenient location.  Take advantage of some cheap flights to the city so you can save your money for the many activities that are offered there.

This is a footprint, but it’s not carbon.

Okay, now that we understand what it is that we are looking for, we will need to take a close look at your last holiday. Everything from the plane that took you to your destination to the Jet Ski you cruised around on while you were there will add a piece to your carbon footprint. Even souvenirs that you purchased and the food that you consumed on your vacation can contribute to your carbon footprint. So gather up a pen and paper and come up with a list containing everything that you did on your holiday that produced some type of greenhouse emission.

You will find that just about everything that you will do on your vacation will produce some greenhouse emissions. If you have a steak at dinner you are contributing to the size of your carbon footprint. Every cow produces a surprising amount of carbon dioxide in their daily waste. As more cows are needed to accommodate our demand for steak more greenhouse gasses are emitted.


A Cow. It’s like nature’s hummer.

Do you remember using a lot of cloth napkins during your holiday? This also adds to your carbon footprint. Load after load of cloth napkins must be cleaned each day at various hotels and restaurants around the world. Energy is used to wash them and if they were washed in hot water then even more energy was used in the process. The burning of energy contributes to your carbon footprint but to what degree varies depending on the type of energy used.

So really, you’re the devil incarnate, aren’t you? But don’t despair – there are ways to be nicer to the planet:

Ways to Reduce My Carbon Footprint during My Holiday

One of the easiest ways to reduce your carbon footprint is to take a holiday closer to home. As plane emissions are likely to add a great deal to your carbon footprint if you can avoid using them the environment will be benefited. I know you might be thinking who wants to stay home for their vacation but try taking a look around your home in a 100 kilometre area. You might be surprised at some of the hidden treasures you might discover. Taking a trip closer to home might also save some money in your budget which never hurts either. If you are determined to take a vacation further from home that requires you to fly book direct flights instead.

This is what the world looks like 100ks from me. Nice!

One thing most of us like to do during our holiday is shop for souvenirs. We want to collect a few pieces of cheap tat so that ten years from now we can look back and think about the vacation. It is okay to buy these souvenirs but make sure that you pay close attention to which souvenirs that you are buying. Avoid any type of souvenir that is heavily packaged in plastics. Lots of greenhouse emissions were produced just simply making the packaging itself. Also take a good look at where the souvenir was made. If it was made thousands of miles away and imported to your holiday spot you might want to reconsider the purchase for two reasons. The first is that importing the souvenir required that it travelled by some method to its current end point. Whether by plane, truck, or train, greenhouse gases were produced during the shipping process which will contribute to your carbon footprint. Secondly wouldn’t it make more sense to pick up a souvenir that was actually made by local artisans in the area to help give it an authentic feel which will also help to support the local community?

Try and get something nice and local, not just some imported tat

Instead of renting a car during your vacation which will increase your carbon footprint consider alternative forms of travel. Most locations have some type of public transportation like a bus system that you can take advantage of. Depending on the area you are travelling to for your holiday you might even be able to rent bikes. Enjoy the fresh air and get some exercise while pedalling around town on your bike. Your carbon footprint will thank you for this in the end. As will your lungs.

Go mountainbiking - laugh at the hire cars

Conduct some research on different accommodations at your holiday destination. Keep your eyes open for a resort that advertises itself as being eco-friendly or green. By staying at one of these green resorts you can decrease the size of your carbon footprint pretty painlessly. A green hotel should focus on saving energy and water while at the same time reducing the amount of waste it produces every day. A quick search online should produce several types of green hotel associations in your area. They will likely have some good recommendations of eco-friendly places for you to stay during your holiday.

Remember to pack your own shampoo, conditioner, lotions, and soaps for your holiday. Many people like to leave all of that stuff at home to save room in their suitcase because so many hotels have it waiting for you in your room. By using these small toiletries that have been so conveniently provided for you expect to see the size of your carbon footprint increase. Everything to packaging and labelling to importing these toiletries will produce greenhouse gasses.

Travel shampoo, nicer to the environment

You can even reduce your overall carbon footprint by preparing your house for your holiday. Water heaters can be turned down and the thermostat can be adjusted so it does not have to work as hard while you are away. Unplug electronics that do not need to be left on while you are away. If you have pets that will remain in your home while you are on holiday, make sure to keep this in mind while preparing your house.

Don’t leave your pets at home over holiday. Ever

So you might be thinking that some of these items are so little it couldn’t possibly make a difference. Each one of these things on their own might be small but together they all add up and before you know it you can end up with a large carbon footprint on your holiday.

Travel Rants

Possibly the most famous of all travel blogs, and first in the list not because he gave us an interview, is Travel Rants. The owner and writer of the blog, Darren, talks about travel the way it is. Being independent he is able to give an independent and unbiased view of the issues that affect the traveller and travel industry. Virtually a media darling these days, his blog is essential reading.

Virgin Holiday Cruises

Cruises are now more popular than that other type of Cruise, ‘eccentric’ film star, Tom. But, with more and more offers being bombarded at you, which offers is any good? Well, you can’t go wrong by going through a comparator such as Virgin. They link to all the good companies and best deals. It’s enough to make me reconsider my thoughts on a cruise: ‘it’s like jail, with the chance of drowning.’

Nerds Eye View

An excellent blog with a forum attached to it. Fairly simple in design this site talks about all aspects of travel, with the added bonus of an active forum that most travel bloggers visit and exchange ideas.

In addition, the site talks about that thing that complements travel so well – Food! Fish Wednesday is a favourite, talking about fish from around the world.

Self-Catering Breaks

Here’s an interesting one (but we would say that as it’s part of our group of sites!), a blog specifically about Self-Catering Breaks. In these times of trouble and impending doom around the world, the first thing people are going to do is to cut back on their holidays. Gone are the days when it was Barbados in the summer and the Alps in the winter. Now it could be caravan in Bognor. Well, Self-Catering holidays are on the up and this blog talks about all things Self-Catering, from destinations to food. You need to read this if you’re going on a Self-Catering holiday.

Guardian Travel Blog

Possibly one of the more distinguished titles on our list – The Guardian’s Travel Blog! Well, we say distinguished as it’s a proper British Broadsheet talking about travel, and they link out to some pretty good blogs themselves.

With fairly imaginative features, such as blogging about a website that specialises in helping people hitch hike across the globe, it stands out amongst the other blogging broadsheets.

Our one beef with it though is that it’s not updated frequently enough.

Travel Blog

Wow – it even looks a bit travel-like! What with maps and everything on the front page!! This is a great blog. It doesn’t just focus on one person’s experience; it uses people who have been to different places to write and take the pictures, giving the blogs an authentic theme.

Again this site has a forum, something which is getting pretty much vital for a big, community-based blog. This forum goes into even more depth than Nerds Eye View and feels even bigger and more professional.

Are there any sites and blogs that we’ve missed out that you’d like to talk about? Leave us a comment and let us know!

However, sometimes it goes a little wrong. News has been released of an incident last year about a co-pilot who had a nervous breakdown mid-flight.

This, in a true-airplane-style event meant an air stewardess had to help the pilot land the Air Canada plane in Ireland.

The co-pilot, apparently was restrained and sedated after being rambling and disjointed.

And you thought your job was stressful.

There was a time, not too long ago, when job occupations like those of a pilot and flight attendant were considered to be the sexiest jobs around. It was a big deal to fly in those days, and passengers dressed up for the special occasion. Likewise flight attendants and pilots donned sexy designer outfits that frequently set trends in the fashion industry. In the 1960s and 1970s flight attendants wore a variety of sexy uniforms that included clingy dresses made out of bright, patterned fabrics and even hot pants and knee high go go boots.

As flying was almost a novelty back then special measures were taken to ensure that the flights were enjoyable for its passengers. Airlines wanted customers to enjoy travel by air so that they would continue to book flights with their chosen airline on a regular basis. One way airlines found that they could attract more customers was to dress their cabin crew in sexy outfits and to present a friendly atmosphere that passengers could enjoy. As most of us would agree, sex sells. The airline industry proved it was not an exception.

Young children would see flight attendants and pilots dressed in their fancy clothes primped and looking perfect and they would idolize them. In the movie “Catch Me If You Can” Leonardo DiCaprio pretends to be a pilot for Pan Am and it becomes his golden ticket. The girls flock to him and they cash his fraudulent cheques at the bank. Pilots were superstars back then and people loved them.

Catch Me If You Can. Superstar pilots.

What Makes the World’s Sexiest Cabin Crew?

In the past just by simply having a job title like pilot or flight attendant it made you sexy. You did not have to be some gorgeous knockout to be considered sexy. The allure of the job was sexy to so many that it transferred to the person fulfilling the job. You could have been an ordinary average guy but with a set of pilots wings attached to your suit jacket you became a stud.

Perhaps that allure seeped into the person’s mind that was fulfilling a pilot or flight attendant position. This could have boosted their self confidence as they might have felt like a million bucks wearing a sexy uniform. Factors like confidence can help portray a sexy image.

The real question here is do sexy cabin crews still exist? Today air travel is very different than it used to be. Most of us have flown at least once in our lives and some of us even fly multiple times a week. The point that I am trying to make is that air travel now is routine and the novelty that used to be associated with it is long dead. Our ideal of what a sexy occupation is has changed. Pilots and flight attendants are no longer adored the way that they used to be. Not to say we do not love our flight attendants and pilots who get us where we need to get in the most comfortable way possible but more that we have become accustomed to their unique allure.

Modern Air Travel. About as glamorous as cleaning the toilet.

In a survey conducted by salary.com the job considered to be the sexiest these days is a fire fighter. Flight attendant still makes the top 10 but there are no signs of pilot anywhere on the list. Now the people, at least those that participated in the survey, find CEOs, doctors, lawyers, event planners, and even veterinarians to be sexy.

As mentalities have changed considerably since the 1960s and 1970s so have cabin crew uniforms. People today might think that a flight attendant wearing hot pants is outrageous and call it exploitative or sexist. Today most flight attendants present a professional image. This typically means simple and sophisticated suits. Many female flight attendants even chose to wear pants with their suits. Practicality has taken the front seat to sexy and glamorous. Flight attendants these days focus on staying comfortable while performing the variety of tasks they are responsible for during each flight. The overall change in how we look at our flight attendants and pilots has likely been responsible for the general decline of their overall levels of sex appeal.

Do you want bored looking cabin crew?

Some might point out that the Hooters Girls onboard Hooter Air flights defied this new standard. Let me quickly point out that while sexy Hooters Girls were onboard the flights they were not there to perform flight attendant duties. They were merely there for entertainment purposes and they might have sold some drinks during the flight. Every Hooters Air flight had the required amount of professionally trained flight attendants onboard and they did not sport orange hot pants and tank tops. Not that it matters because the airline collapsed a few years ago and you can’t see them anymore anyway.

It is still expected by airlines that flight attendants practice extreme levels of hygiene. Personal care can show passengers that the flight crew is professional and takes their jobs seriously. Passengers can feel confident that they are in good hands with the flight crew and relax during their flight. Nobody wants to deal with a flight attendant that is frazzled and smells like dirty laundry. This type of impression generally does not sit well with a passenger and certainly will not produce a relaxed trip.

No sexy uniforms anymore, so you have to improvise to get attention

Another thing that has changed over the years is who might be fulfilling the different positions of a cabin crew. Originally a flight attendant, then known as a stewardess, was a female. The pilot was traditionally a male. Overtime it has become normal to see female pilots and male flight attendants. This change could have also effected what people consider to be a sexy cabin crew.

Female pilots blurr the lines for those ‘old-school’ travellers

So I guess to answer the question “Do sexy cabin crews still exist” I would have to say, well that depends on you. What do you find sexy? If women in suit pants is your thing than catch a flight tomorrow and check out the latest trends for sexy cabin crews.

1. Die Hard 2
When John McClane, one of the greatest screen action heroes of all time, is trying to improvise runway landing lights by setting fire to some oily rags on the ends of sticks, and you are on that plane coming in to land, you can at least rest easy knowing he tried his best. Of course, when your plane explodes in a horrific fireball instantly killing everyone inside, that’s scant consolation. Ask yourself though: what chance would you have against a gang of special forces terrorists operating under the command of a man who likes to do tai-chi naked before his morning dose of anarchism?

2. Snakes on a Plane
Yes, it was a terrible movie, and it did answer in a rather sad way one half of the question ‘What happened to Kenan & Kel?’ but there was something comforting about Snakes on a Plane, in the sense that while there may have been motherf***ing snakes on the motherf***ing plane, the motherf***ing plane itself didn’t crash. So as long as you can avoid the motherf***ing snakes on any future flight, you should be fine.

3. Alive
Or The One Where They Eat Each Other. Yes, they flew Ryanair. On a more serious note, director Frank Marshall was debating whether to make the film or not when he spotted a bumper sticker that said ‘Rugby Players Eat Their Dead’. Marshall decided to make the film on the strength of that sticker. A similar story surrounds the making of Guy Ritchie’s Swept Away when he came across ‘S*** happens’.

4. Cast Away
Make sure you pack a volleyball. The trouble with Cast Away is that it assumes a middle-aged white suburban male who works for a Courier Company could actually master the art of spearing fish within the space of four years. I would say double that, and give him some extra help, like a mini-gun or a grenade, and then maybe, just maybe, he could catch a minnow. If he’s lucky. The moral of the story is to never fall in love before you catch a plane.

5. Red Eye
This one is frightening because it suggests the flight is only the beginning of your problems. Sure, a plane crash is rough, but at least it’s over quickly. In this scenario you have to stab a terrorist in the throat with a biro, then bypass airport security, then steal a car, then get home to save your dad from being gunned down by another terrorist, a terrorist you have to kill, then you find out the terrorist you thought you’d got away from is in your living room and you actually lose the fight but luckily dad has recovered in time to gun down your assailant. Then he gets all the glory! Unbelievable.

6. Flightplan
An object lesson in why children should be labelled and checked-in on long-haul flights. I love kids, but one peep out of them in the cramped, cattle-like conditions of economy doom sends me boiling over with rage. If I had been Jodie Foster, I would have been sort of glad that my daughter had gone missing part way through the flight. I would have waited until landing before going straight to lost and found.

7. Air Force One
This film actually turns out okay in the end, but that’s because Harrison Ford is the president. Take the same scenario - lethal terrorists hijacking the president’s personal 747, locking away everyone except the president and threatening to kill the president’s family unless the president gives himself up. Now imagine that president is George W Bush. See why it’s so scary? Having said that, I’d give Obama odds on.

8. Top Gun
Or, for any man who has seen this film, the bit when Goose dies. Yes, he was named after a bird but he wasn’t the one flying the plane. It was all Maverick’s fault. If you are on a flight to Benidorm and you hear any of the cabin crew being referred to as Jester or Iceman, strap on your lifejacket and pray for a quick end to it all.

9. Con Air
There are many reasons why you should be terrified when watching this film. The first is that the law of averages dictates you will be sitting near someone who at least resembles Steve Buscemi or John Malkovich. Try it next time you’re in a public place - it really works. Secondly, relying on John Cusack and Nicholas Cage to get you out of a tight spot is like lighting a match to get out of a gas chamber.

10. Cliffhanger
Why is this so scary? Because you might find that trying to help someone who has been in a plane crash ends up getting you killed. And when you are murdered by John Lithgow, yes, John Lithgow, you know you really got your arse paddled. Luckily for us, old Sly Stallone was on hand (and I use old in the literal sense of the word) to kick some terrorist bottom. Now we can all rest, safe in the knowledge that mountaintops across the world are a little bit safer.

Below, I have listed two choices for whatever duration of flight you may find yourself taking. I have tried to be as universal as possible in my choices, but I am a bloke, so bear that in mind. All flight times are calculated from London Heathrow so you know you will have an extra couple of hours waiting time to start your own novel, and I have estimated a page a minute to strike a balance between fast and slow readers.

London to:

Paris (2 hours): You will not have long but that does not mean your choice has to be any less good. Two top-drawer twentieth century masterpieces will fulfil your reading needs and be over just in time for you to jump out of the emergency exit to your death at the horrible madness of it all. They are Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad and Animal Farm by George Orwell. The former is famous for making the world aware that Marlon Brando was getting fat, the latter is famous for giving Victoria Wood the idea for Dinnerladies.

Moscow (4 hours): Time for some popular history and travel methinks. Dava Sobel’s Longitude is, to my knowledge, the only book to make watchmaking not just interesting, but gripping. It is the story of John Harrison, the man who discovered how to make portable timepieces reliable enough for sailing with, greatly aiding navigation and resulting in pretty much the world economy we have today. Time will fly, arf arf. If clock construction does not float your boat, try Bill Bryson’s Notes From a Small Island on the way back to Blighty, an affectionate critique of the UK that should hopefully make you feel a little better about returning home.

New York (8 hours): This is pure pulp fiction territory, the kind of long haul flight that airport book shops were designed for. Indulge your guilty pleasures. For the men, buy Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six, the only novel to extend a ten page short story written by a twelve year old into a 650 page treatise on the dangers of assembling a Glock incorrectly. For the women, try any of Danielle Steel’s oeuvre, so far the only author to make Mills & Boon look like magic realists. With sales of over 550 million and counting, she is best selling fiction writer in the world. She has had one of the top ten selling books in the US for every year of the 1990s and is responsible for 30% of worldwide deforestation.

Hong Kong (12 hours): With a solid half a day at your disposal, you should be able to tuck into something meaty. For some superb journalism, try a collection of Hunter S. Thompson pieces, The Great Shark Hunt. In these politically aware times it’s a reminder that Iraq is not the first time the Western World has put the boot in where it’s not welcome. For something a little more philosophical, grab a copy of Richard Dawkins’s The God Delusion. The book will last you half the flight and you can spend the other half wondering whether you agree or not.

Australia (24 hours): On a day-long flight, you don’t want to be tucking into War and Peace. No matter how cultured you are feeling, digging into Tolstoy is going to leave you either completely exhausted or with a nasty dose of DVT come landing time.

Instead, go for something a little lighter. Why not try the Big Mac Meal of the epic novel world, Stephen King’s The Stand. Yes, it is about 1500 pages long, and you will have difficulty recalling what happened to that 24-hour period of your life, but it was made into a TV mini series and that’s all that matters. For the hardcore who plan on continuing to read when they get to their destination, try Samuel Richardson’s Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded. Deemed the first epistolary novel, it is a horrendous, near 1000-page long, 18th century version of Neighbours, and is the only book guaranteed to last you the whole flight because you will fall asleep long before the end of the first page. In case you are interested, its full title is Pamela: or, Virtue Rewarded, in a Series of Familiar Letters From a Beautiful Young Damsel to Her Parents in Order to Cultivate the Principles of Virtue and Religion in the Minds of the Youth of Both Sexes. Still with me? Then go buy it.

What books do you read when flying? Is there anything that you read that helps you through the hours? Why not comment and let us know your favs.

Over the last few years there have been a number of products that are designed to make your travel experience easier, more comfortable or just more tolerable.  Although none of the companies have invented the product to remove delays or cancellations, some of the products can make the glitches in your travel a little less troublesome.  Here are just a few of the best gadgets to take your next flight to the next level.

1.    The laptop.  This is almost a requirement for business travelers, but even vacation travelers are getting in on the game.  The MacBook Air is probably the best choice (as it looks so cool and is very light and easy to store) if you really need to save space – but don’t expect to use a CD/DVD or keep a charge for very long.

2.    The mobile phone.  Anyone that does a lot of traveling would be wise to invest in a smart phone.  The Apple iPhone offers some great software making it easy to use, and there are plenty of travel programs to download as well.  Be sure that you have your airline’s phone number, hotel’s phone number and other important travel phone numbers programmed into your phone.  You can make quick arrangements in case of a flight delay or cancellation (and hopefully avoid penalties or canceled reservations).

3.    Noise reduction headphones.  You need something to block the noise coming from a crowded cabin or jet engines.  The Bose QuiteComfort will offer one of the best experiences available on the market.  These headphones were specifically designed for air travel.  Not only do they give you a clearer sound, but they also keep your noise away from your neighbor.

4.    A Travel toothbrush.  The Ohso Pocket Toothbrush is not your ordinary travel toothbrush.  It combines the toothpaste and brush in one handy container making it the perfect travel companion.  The gadget is filled with most any traditional toothpaste (from the tube) and is ready to go.  There are also replacement heads for when the bristles on your toothbrush wear out.

5.    A book - specifically an electronic reader like the Kindle.  You can load up to 200 books, do word searches, create bookmarks and so much more.  If you find that you don’t have the book that you need then you can connect to the store and download a number of books while you are on the road.  Although you do have to pay for books that you download, many offer free sample chapters so that you can determine if it’s an investment worth making.

6.    The Clear Card is relatively new and is not used in all the airports around the United States (only 20 to date).  But it does give the card holder the ability to go to the front of the security line where it is used. Getting a card requires applying online AND visiting an enrollment center, but it does usually allow you to get through security much quicker than ever before.

7.    WiFi locator.  These devices can be used to locate a signal for your laptop and keep you from having to open and shut your laptop repeatedly.  The handy device fits easily in your pocket and is not a bulky addition to your travel bags.

8.    Privacy filter.  These handy little screen attachments keep nosy neighbors from reading your laptop screen while you work.  The filters offer more freedom to work while you travel without the worry of what others may be getting from your work.

9.    The Knee Defender is a small and controversial device that offers a big impact to your flying experience.  Snap these guards in place and they will stop the reclining seat in front of you so that you knees don’t have to.  The Knee Defender is designed to be used while the tray is down and so the FAA regulations allow the devices as long as it is being used according to design.

10.    Travel pillow.  The airlines are cutting their costs in every possible way so know you get to pay for their little pillows.  It would be wiser to invest in your own travel pillow.  These handy companions will make your flight a little more comfortable and are a huge value when you consider having to purchase an airline pillow for each flight.

There is enough hassle involved in air travel.  Take away some of the frustrations and aggravation bay packing a few of these great travel gadgets for your next trip.  Put them in your carry on luggage (preferably the one that you will store under your seat) so that you can access them with ease during your flight.  Bringing a little extra convenience and comfort with you will make your experience one to remember – for the good times.

Family holidays - more difficult to book than you’d imgine

Traveling with the whole family can be a nightmare. It seems that everyone wants to go somewhere or do something completely different. The travel industry has finally discovered how much more traveling families will do when the whole family can travel together. Now hotels and resorts are working hard to make their accommodations kid (and therefore parent) friendly.

Families are staying busy through out the year. When the take time to get away, they want to get away together. Finding locations that offer accommodations for the adults, the teens and the kids can be tricky. It takes hotels and resorts with the right mix of fun and adventure. Fortunately you can find one of these resorts or hotels for the whole family just about any where in the world.

The Bates Motel. Perhaps not the best place to take the family

The Broadmoor (not that one, our British friends) Inn Colorado Springs, Colorado is one five-star hotel that has taken entertaining the family to a whole new level.  The hotel features a Children’s Concierge that can help you find out more about the summer camp programs, the babysitting services and the activities that are catered towards the entire family.  The kids will also enjoy the waterslides, children’s pool and on-site theater.

If you have children of differing ages then the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh has just what you need.  It offers five-star programs for babies, kids and teens.  Kids will get their own “check-in cards” when you arrive which will help them feel important from the start.  The room will include amenities appropriate for each child’s age (electronics for teens, toys for babies, appropriate movies and items for the kids).  The hotel will also offer suggestions for family friendly sites and attractions around the region.

Balmoral Hotel in Scotland

The One & Only resorts around the globe offer amazing Kids Only experiences.  Trained staff will lead your children on age appropriate adventures through out the day with the children joining their parents for meals.  There are also activities for teens age twelve and up.  Some of the resorts also offer professional baby-sitting services for toddlers and babies.

Kids have their own special getaway at Caneel Bay in St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands.  Turtle Town is a children’s center for kids 3 to 12 and offers arts, crafts and plenty of activities to keep the smallest members of the family enjoying their vacation time.  The center is secluded at the north end of the resort to help maintain the peace and quiet many people come to the islands to experience.

Caneel Bay in the US Virgin Islands

Junior guests are just as important to the Ritz-Carlton in Cancun as their parents.  The resort offers a special menu catered towards the younger pallet.  Kids Camp programs offer supervised activities for kids ages 4 to 12.  The staff works hard to guarantee each kid will enjoy a positive experience on their vacation.  Friday and Saturday nights are all about the Kids Night Out.  They get to enjoy games and a party atmosphere while parents are left to fend for themselves.

The place to go and find adventure for all ages is The Homestead in Hot Springs, Virginia.  The Kids Club offers games, hikes, arts, crafts, stories and plays.  There is even a special Kids Night Out where parents are NOT allowed.  Children from 3 (that are potty trained) to 12 are invited to participate.  There are also plenty of family oriented activities available so everyone can participate together.

The name Atlantis brings to mind a mystical place and the resort Atlantis on Paradise Island, Bahamas definitely holds to the image.  Kid focused programs are available for ages 3 to 12 including water activities, movies and much more.  There are also a large number of events and activities for the family.  Toddlers between over 3 will have an opportunity to take part in the Aqua Tots feeding experience (all participants must be potty trained and pull-up free).

Atlantis Hotel in the Bahamas

Grootbos Private Nature Reserve, South Africa offers the Gansbaai safari lodge so that you experience luxury in combination with nature.  Kids are very special guests and programs offered range from trips to the tide pools to learn about marine life to treasure hunts.  The trained staff desires to make the vacation experience entertaining and informative.  There are also great activities tailored for the whole family to enjoy together.

The Georgia Coast at Sea Island Resorts in the United States is a wonderful blend of luxury and southern charm.  Families are the focus - with bingo offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays, scavenger hunts and events and activities that are designed so that the kids can have a break from the adults.  Camp Cloister offers directed activities for children ages 3 to 13.

The Georgian Coast. In the morning

Family vacations can now be fun for everyone involved. Hotels and resorts are beginning to cater amenities to the kids and the adults so that the family can play together or apart as the mood fits. It doesn’t matter where you want to travel – the beach or the mountains or the African plains – there is a family friendly hotel or resort that will fit your needs.

Been anywhere particularly family friendly? Been blown away by Disneyland or Butlins? Please comment and let us know!

Also, to help your holiday run a bit smoother, why not enter Carrental’s survey - you coud win a Tom-Tom. Click here.